The “Limbos” of my Life, are places in my life where I stop on my path because of something unseen happens and/or out of my control and I call it “treading water” and I wait! In my case at this time, I am at the end of my treatments for cervical cancer. I am so thankful for that! I have relied on my God and Faith to get me through. Soon I will be able to get back to moving in the direction I need to go. When I stopped and treaded water and still am I had to deal with my treatments that caused me to be out of work and sick. It seems my purpose is on the back burner! Now I have to look for work or wait to be called back to work. I have to deal with staying home more than I ever had. One would think “oh I am going to get so many things done since I am not working”. I still am not feeling very well which slows me down. Also the winter weather has deterred me in getting out. I just feel like I am treading water just waiting. How do I feel about treading water, trying to keep my head up to find hope and moving forward in my life. It’s tough for sure. I have had many times like these but I am not so good at these times. I feel like I am wasting my time which I do but I really don’t have to. There are so many things I could be doing! I feel like I have no control of this limbo but just to wait. Well waiting doesn’t give me an excuse not to be productive and accomplish goals in things that matter and need to be done.
There are days that bring about different moods or state of mind like depression, motivation, being productive, sick and tired, progressing, hopeful, and “I don’t care”! I keep dreaming but then I feel like my dreams are too far off. I try to fill my days with value. At times it is very hard though. I reach out to friends and family which I enjoy immensely but I can’t do that every day. Then there are days I really choose to be by myself and do things on my own. Some days I have too many excuses or just plain don’t want to and I should! I have a list a mile long as they say but I can always say “not today”! When I am working I make a schedule of the day or week so I can have a plan of action. I just can’t seem to do that right now. So maybe I should make a plan each day and have a routine like I was going to work or planning a trip or an event.
So maybe I will take that challenge! Get up each day like I am going to work at 10am. Read my Bible and Pray every morning and night. Do some housework, have a project, and apply for work with applications or resumes every day. Start reading a book and doing some exercises! Watching less TV. Planning better dinners. I could accomplish so much. My mood would be so much better. I have to quit talking myself out of doing the right thing. I have a plan now. Let me see if I can follow through. Then I will be able to stop treading water and waiting but start swimming to shore!
I have the choice to make my life whatever I want it to be. My dreams are my Lord’s dreams for me. He has given me this time, I need to take advantage of it and do my best to follow His lead.
The Serenity Prayer
God grant me the Serenity to accept the things I can not change.
The courage to change the things I can and
The Wisdom to know the difference.
I will have rest but also be motivated in this “Limbo” of mine to bring about a newness in my Life. I don’t want to quit dreaming that is for sure. There are so many possibilities.