My Journey to my Heavenly Home

OMG I started this before Christmas of 2016! Lost the whole blog so redoing!

Here I am! Been home most days, winter started early. Here I am with 5″ of snow in a small rural town! Thankfully I bought myself some new chains last year because I traveled to Coeur d’Lene to visit with family at Christmas! So I met my challenge of learning to put them on thankfully it was the “end of my in-between times for my treatments” so I could put the chains on and clean off the snow plus shovel! Wow didn’t expect this! Thought to myself “kinda reminds me” of living in the Rockies which I just moved away from for that very reason.  Hold on then Dufur had another artic storm pass through so now a week later the town has 13 inches and very cold!! Oh well the unexpected always happens! This week received another snowfall! GEES!!

Sometimes I have a good memory so let’s hope I can rewrite this! It is now the New Year of 2017! Sometimes people live in the past and sometimes people live in the future. In Alanon and AA have a saying for people who think that way, “they p*** on the day”. I’ve learned that very well so I use my past for just Reflection so I don’t repeat my mistakes, bad choices, and correct my defects of character. Also to see where I was and where and who I am now! Good perspective!

What a life saving program Alanon was to me. I found it in Seeley Lake, MT when my husband moved our family there in 1988. The insanity of Alcoholism was taking over our lives. I didn’t know what it was at the time. My husband wanted to start over and change our lives for the better. So I did start to go to Alanon. What a gift to me. I was actually putting all my knowledge of God’s word into my life with the 12 steps. Instead of trying to fix my husband, I focused on me. I was challenged to take a good look at myself. It wasn’t pretty. I hadn’t really made that 180 degree change. I was still making bad choices in my life. Still sitting on that ole worn wooden fence and getting slivers in my butt because I wanted both world’s. I had to choose to turn my whole life around and surrender it all to my God. I had tried before but I just didn’t know how. In Alanon I found the tools to do so! What a great group of people struggling like me and finding answers and solving problems . They challenged me and made me accountable to the choices I made for me and my family!

One turning point was a wintery night! The circumstances was I was chasing a fleshly desire that would harm me and my family. And it had already been a conflict in my life. Now I needed to decide to keep going in that direction and have major consequences or…  It was a wintery cold snowy night. The roads were horrifying. I was in a vehicle that was old and the road snow packed. I am trying to catch up to something that may not be there. Is it going to solve my problems and my desires. I finally said, “This is so dangerous. What am I doing and why? What is the point of this! This is crazy!” I am so glad God was talking to me and I was listening! So glad for the program giving me the tools to make a wise decision, a group that loved me unconditionally and made me accountable.

I learned to solve problems. I learned why I did the insane things I did! Such an eye opener. I’ve learned to make decisions on facts and what is best for me. I learned to forgive and not hold grudges. I can plan but some unexpected things happen and you have to take another route. I love the Serenity Prayer and the saying Let Go and Let God. I have learned to pray much, wait patiently, trust and have a lot of Faith. My God’s word is in my heart and when He speaks to me I listen and trust Him for the answers. They are not what I expect sometimes. So I have to step out in Faith!

There is so much of life that is unexpected! A Doris Day song Que Sera Sera comes to mind. I have only today. I do the best I can with what the day brings. There are days I sulk, am angry, sometimes blah! Most days are filled with good things. I am so grateful for the choices I have made. The program of Alanon has put my faith into action whether it be with family, friends, where I live, and just in everyday decisions I have to make. I am not as judgemental. It is hard! I hate it when people don’t listen to me. Things I can’t control I put in God’s hands.

The last 29 years have been filled with decisions and events I reflect on but I don’t live in them. They make up whom I am. I don’t understand everything but I need to keep moving foreward. Life is too short. Here I am in a new place with new friends and getting reacquainted with friends of my childhood! This year has brought some real trials. Lost my second tenants in my home in Seeley Lake. I had to move. I found my birth Mother and family. I driven distance that I hadn’t done on my own. I live by myself and pay all my bills with what I earn. I sold my home in Seeley Lake. I have had to have surgery for cancer and found out that didn’t get it all! So now I must have chemo 6 times. My  hours were cut at my job. So then I had to go on unemployment and look for work. Wow! Every turn there were answers, support, hope, faith and most of all Love. God showed me He was in control.

There were so many Blessings and much Thankfulness. Family gatherings, seeing my Mom and Dad whenever I want. My children’s Love to me and the times we have had together. Getting to know family and friends again. The home I live in is the perfect place for me and my dogs, except the roads are horrid this winter, but there is a blessing in that also. I love the countryside and the new views I have in life as I travel. Awesome!

There is a  season for all things and people! The unexpected happens! Circumstances are sometimes out of our control. It is hard but I keep going with a good attitude and look at the passage time which has taught me how to live and not the need to know the whys. Sometimes I have to stop and rest and be contented until the time is right. Find solutions that are healthy. Sometimes we are known to take two steps back and one step forward. So don’t be afraid. Reflect and see where you have come from and where you are! Checks and Balances! and always Edify yourself and others. Life has its good and bad in seconds to a whole day! It’s what you do with it that counts! Count your Blessings and Pay it forward!

A Time for Everything

Ecclesiastes: